11 hours to my third and scariest final, and I had a panic attack. A real, full-blown one this time. And I went through what people who have panic disorder go through. It's terrible. Terrible. I was crying and was gripping on to the side of my bed so strongly such that my mum literally had to use all her strength to pry my fingers away from the bed frame. I didn't think I'd have this? I really didn't. I have had moments where anxiety kicks in and I feel helpless but no this was on a whole other level. Couldn't breathe, and I felt like throwing up. I felt like my heart was caving in on itself. Literally. And there's nothing I could do about it. No amount of "everyone goes through this" "it's normal" "just do what you can/ your best" made me calm down. In fact it only made me feel worse. If you don't know what a panic attack is, check out my good pal Google, alright? At least learn how to handle people who are going through such situations. I don't bring it upon myself, it just happened. Why would I want my heart to cave in on itself? Seriously. I think what could potentially make me feel better is to know that people around me knew what a panic attack was, and how to handle it. My mum did make me feel better by just sitting with me while I cried. She didn't have to say anything. I think yeah, that's what would make me feel better. To know that people would be willing to wait in silence for me to calm down, then ask me if I was okay. Cause the more you tell me "it's going to be okay", IT'S NOT. Cause at that point of time, nothing is okay.