What my "ex" did - he made me feel like the ugliest person in the world. Do you think I don't know I'm fat? Do you think I don't know I have a new pimple or two that just sprouted on my forehead? Do you think I don't know that I have fat folds? Do you think I don't know how hairy my arms/ legs are? Do you think I don't hate my freckles? Well here's a newsflash for you: guess who knows exactly how big-sized she is and wonders why the hell she ate so much as a child? Guess who sees her naked face and wonders why she can't have flawless skin? Guess who still feels uncomfortable wearing tight-fitting clothes for the fear of being laughed at and talked about by slim, pretty girls? Guess who was so tormented about hairy limbs that she was so scared to show her arms or legs? Guess who has to be afraid that people laugh at her about her freckles, while everyone says it's "cute" but when the teacher explained that it was uneven spreading of melanin, people in her class went "EW!!"?

That's me you shitface.

I know I'm fat. I know I don't have flawless skin like most girls already appear to have. I know I don't have a slim figure like so many of the girls you could have been with rather than me. I know I don't have the perfect skin. I know my face is covered with ugly brown patches that won't go away even with months out of the sun. These are all truths, I know. But is your brain just a lump of meat? Are you so dumb to not realise that the first person to see all my flaws, every single one of them, non-visible attributes included, is me? Do you think I have to hear the shit you say to know that I'm ugly? I am ugly. I know it. If you're so concerned about my looks, why the hell did you want me to be your girlfriend? Not everyone can be slim and pretty, with smooth skin and perfect hair. You think I'm not affected by this shit? Things you say regularly in a joking manner? Here's something actually useful I learnt in cognitive psychology. Unattended information gets processed unconsciously. This parallels what this bully did to me in Seconday 3 and 4. She called me stupid on a daily basis, played with our friendship, which I recently learnt is called "relational victimisation", and as a result guess what. My grades dropped.

Hopefully you understand now, or at least have a puny bit of empathy, of

How freaking hurtful words can be. How fat I feel. How ugly I feel. How I have thoroughly convinced myself that I'm not good enough for you, in every aspect, and I bring shame to you and make you embarrassed. In public, in front of your friends..

Here's to you.