I meant to post about how accomplished I feel about running 2 days in a row and completing all the things I planned to do. Now all I feel is disappointment and hurt.


Let me begin by saying first impressions are very important. It's hard to change an impression of someone even though others may tell you otherwise. So there's really no point in trying to convince me that someone is good/ funny/ nice/ pretty. I actually had these same preconceived notions about this person. But because of countless incidences where that person's attitude—for the lack of a better description—sucked like shit, all these notions were completely destroyed. And really, do you really think that just because I laugh it off or not talk about it means feelings of disappointment, hurt and mild anger does not exist? Being hurt is really the worst emotion to feel. I thought you'd understand. Clearly you don't because guess what, you're hurting me time and again. I'm already doing my best not to let my feelings show, but I really don't know what you're thinking anymore. Sometimes it's important to know your limits. I've learnt that already. That person hurt others not very long ago; are you learning from that person? If you haven't realised, you've actually been having much more contact with that person than with me. Honestly, I don't feel jealous right now. Cause I really don't believe in being proprietary. But the hurt is getting pretty unbearable.

Ironically enough, in a survey I did in school just now, you were at the top of my who-can-you-count-on-when-you're-sad, who-can-you-count-on-when-you're-angry and who-can-you-count-on-to-love-you-for-you list.

Next, let's talk about double standards and my hate for them. You told me that I couldn't go on a trip with my friend AND her parents. So she obligingly switched it to a day trip. Still you wouldn't let me go. I didn't rebel or anything but let it slide. Now you're telling me that I can't go because you can't bring yourself to trust an unknown person. How does that justify what you said before? Like I said, I really hate double standards especially when it comes to prejudism against certain people. And you said my attitude was bad when you told me your decision. How on earth did you expect me to react? Clap my hands and say, "Oh thank you so much for not letting me do what I wanted to do! I really appreciate that you don't trust me! Oh no, I don't feel angry at all!" So because I was tearing and frowning due to utter disappointment and you had expected a different set of reactions my attitude was bad. Let's see who needs to go to school and learn about anomalies now.

I believe in happiness.
I believe in the pursuit of happiness.
I believe in making others happy. So please tell me if that is stupid when others fail to realise what I'm doing for them.

Thank God I don't have school tomorrow cause I know I'm going to wake up feeling like shit.