Regrets

Ok, having my own room isn't as fantastic as I thought it would be..
It's weird to turn to the right and
Instead of seeing my sister and mother
I see a wall.
On my left,
I see bookshelves instead of walls
I have to put a chair there in case I fall off the bed
And since
There's so much quiet
I think a lot of things:
Why are we born to die?
Why do we fall in love? Nothing can ever replace the love that your parents and siblings give you
I can't give up my family for anything.
How can American teenagers move out of their homes when they're only so young?
I don't think I'd be able to live without my family.

Then, I think I'm growing up too fast.
Flashbacks:-
We were standing on the basketball court
First day of Sec 4.
Some teacher calling over the microphone,"3A, 3A, 3A, 3A."
And we were like,"Shut up la, keep calling our class for what?"
And that's when we realise,
We were Sec 4A.
I'm definitely growing up too fast
Or maybe time's passing too quickly for us to grasp.
Help, I'm emoing in the middle of the night.

And then I think about this year. Started off to a great start, with stomach flu on the first day of school.
Obviously didn't go to school. Missed first day of orientation,
Worried so much that I'd be totally left out in my IG.
Turns out, my IG people were the best people I ever met.

Fast forward~
Mid-year exams. Sucked.

Fast fast forward-
Remembering a time when there was too much going on
Not talking to friends.
Fitting into class.
Interact shit.
Studying for promos.

Fast, fast, fast (too fast) forward=
Promos.
Not feeling worried (as usual), which was really stupid.
Results all improved except stinking Bio.
Happy like shit that I promoted.

Things start to fall in place.
Friendships sorting themselves out.
Being in a class I love.

Next, random thoughts:
Why do we dream?
Our brain is such a miracle.
How do we learn to write?
Speak?

I really couldn't sleep.

Advice to those who are sleeping in your own room for the first time:
1. Don't. Don't sleep on your own.
2. Think of everything but death and loneliness.

Lend me a shoulder to cry away loneliness;
Lend me a soul to cheat death.

It's 11.40pm now.

I turn on my phone and see that I've received a message from my friend.
Is it fate or coincidence,
It says that she loves me as a friend,
And that she'll never forget me.
Such perfect timing.

Before this.
I was thinking back to Pulai Johore Leadership camp.
How I spent the first night
Sleeping in a construction sheet shelter we bought ourselves
How I kept hallucinating,
Yes, not dreaming, hallucinating,
That I got up and got into my sleeping bag
Cause it was so freaking cold.
Waking up countless times to find that I was still sleeping on top of my sleeping bag
But too freaking tired to do anything about it.
To get up and go sleep in the warm sleeping bag
Why do we put ourselves through such shit?

I still couldn't sleep.